Monday, April 2, 2012


I am feeling very frustrated today.  I should be having fun and enjoying spring break.  Instead I am bummed out and depressed.  I feel like everything goes wrong at once.  Of course it has all been building for a long time.    First off I am totally stressed out about what to do about kindergarten next year.  I can't find anyone to watch Isabelle and my schedule doesn't work.  I would have to drop her off a little over an hour early for Morning kindergarten and I would be about a half hour late picking her up from afternoon.  I have no idea about the rest of the day.  She could still do the daycare, but she would need a ride.  I was hoping to not pay daycare now she is in school.  Ideally I would just quite so I could be home and be involved with her schooling and spend time with her before she starts going to school full time.   Unfortunately it doesn't' seem like that is an option.  Especially with all of the unexpected expenses we keep having.  We have had to buy new tires for all three cars, plus brakes and rotors for Thomas' car.  We had the expenses from the windstorm in December.  The roof was patched, but the vents are still leaking and some if not all of it needs to be replaced.   The wood floor needs to be sanded and re-varnished.  We didn't do it when we moved in although some spots needed it.  Here we are five years later, and it really needs it, especially those spots.  Our dishwasher has been having problems, so I had some plumbers come out and give us an estimate.  According to them there is about $600 worth of work that needs to be done to fix the dishwasher and increase the pressure to the whole house, which is apparently really low.  There is an additional $400 worth of stuff which they said wasn't imperative, but probably should be done before something breaks.  I think I can get new toilets though for about the same price they wanted to replace the insides of them.  How is anyone supposed to have fun with their families if all you do is take care of emergencies.  If anyone knows of a management job that pays more than managing a fast food place let me know, or a part time job here in town that pays well let me know.  I know it isn't likely, but I keep hoping that perfect job will come around.  Part of Thomas' problem is that he doesn't know exactly what he wants to do with his business management degree.  He is too busy at his current job that pays him half of what he is worth to even look for something else.   I am tired of my job.  I enjoy teaching, and I enjoy working with most of the kids, but I am sick of planning, grading, discipline, and politics.   I hate having to spend hours of my own time grading papers, which the kids just throw away.  They don't even read the comments I made.   I just wish that things were simple. I know they never are.    There was that conference talk about not being jealous of other people because they received blessing that you didn't.  It isn't that I am not happy for them, but sometimes it feels like everything is working out for everyone else but not for me.  I know that their lives are probably not as perfect as they seem, but at least it isn't everything in their lives that is broken and defective.  It seems that everything is out of my control and there is nothing I can do to fix any of it.  You can't live on wishing things were better and different.  It wears you down.  How do I find happiness with where and who I am?

1 comment:

  1. Good questions, unfortunately I don't have any good answers and I feel bad I am baling on you when I was supposed to help with Annika! I will look for a great job for you guys in Virginia though and then you can come and live by me again!!